Ah, the "return to the office." For many of us, it’s come with a strange mix of relief (hello, adult conversation!) and a new, gut-wrenching kind of guilt.
For the past few years, our homes have been full. We’ve had furry colleagues at our feet during endless Zoom calls. We’ve shared our lunchtime scraps and taken afternoon breaks for a quick game of fetch. Many of us, in the quiet of lockdown, brought a new "lockdown puppy" or rescue cat into our lives for comfort and company.
And now, the house is suddenly, deafeningly quiet.
If you’re reading this, you probably know the feeling. It’s that dread in the pit of your stomach as you jangle your keys. It’s the heartbroken look they give you from the window. It’s checking the pet cam from your desk, only to see your dog pacing, whining, or barking. It’s coming home to a chewed-up doorframe or a "little accident" on the carpet, and feeling your heart just break.
So, first, let’s all take a deep breath.
What you are seeing is not "bad behaviour." Your dog isn't "punishing" you for leaving. Your cat isn't "getting back at you."
They are having a panic attack.
They are having a genuine, terrifying panic attack because their entire world—you—has vanished, and they don't have the coping skills to understand that you will, in fact, be back. It's not naughtiness; it's fear. And it's not your fault.
At Hearth and Hound, we know how much you love them. This is one of the hardest parts of being a pet parent. So, let’s put the kettle on, forget the "tough love" training manuals, and walk through some kind, gentle steps to help you both feel better.
1. Create a "Safe Haven" (Not a Prison)
When you're not there, an empty house can feel vast, exposed, and scary to a worried pet. Their first instinct is to find somewhere to hide. Your job is to make that "somewhere" the cosiest, safest spot imaginable.
This is all about creating a positive, comforting "den" that feels like a hug.
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Location: Choose a quiet corner of a room where you spend the most time (like the living room). It should be out of draughts and away from the high-traffic hallway.
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Comfort: Fill it with their favourite blankets. An old, unwashed t-shirt or jumper of yours is even better—your scent is incredibly reassuring.
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Association: This spot must always be a positive-only zone. It is never a "naughty step" or a place for time-out. They should go there of their own free will.
This is where investing in the right bed can make a world of difference. A bed isn't just a cushion; it's a tool for their mental well-being. This is why we are such advocates for the high-sided "doughnut" style Calming Bed. The design is pure psychology: the round shape and raised rim are made to mimic the feeling of being snuggled up to their mum and littermates. It supports their body, but more importantly, it makes them feel held and secure.
It becomes their personal safe spot, a place they can go to self-soothe when they feel that wave of panic rising.
2. Make "Leaving" (and Returning) Boring
This is, without a doubt, the hardest tip to follow. Because we love them!
When we leave, we tend to put on a "baby voice," give them 20 kisses, and say, "Be a good boy, mummy loves you so much, I'll be back soon, don't worry!"
When we return, they are (understandably) bouncing off the walls with relief, and we meet that energy with, "Hello, my baby! Did you miss me? Oh, I missed you so much!"
The problem? We are emotionally charging the event. We are confirming to them that our departure is a massive, terrible deal and our return is a huge, dramatic reunion.
The new rule: No fuss.
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Before You Leave: For about 10 minutes before you're set to go, start to calmly detach. No big cuddles or emotional chats. Just quietly get your keys, put your coat on, and prepare your pet's "leaving treat" (more on that next). When you leave, it's a simple, breezy "See you later."
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When You Return: This is the real test. Walk in. Your dog may be jumping, spinning, or barking. As hard as it is, you must gently ignore them. Don't make eye contact, don't speak. Walk in, hang your coat, put your keys down, perhaps pop to the loo. The second they have all four paws on the floor and are calm, then you can greet them with a quiet "hello" and a gentle ear scratch.
This teaches them that your coming and going is the most normal, boring, non-event of the day. It's just a thing that happens.
3. A "Busy Brain" Can't Panic
Right now, in the first 20 minutes after you leave, your pet's brain is idle. And that idle brain is fixated on one thing: "Where are they? I'm alone. I heard a noise! Are they back? No. I'm alone!"
You need to give that brain a high-value "job" to do.
A simple biscuit on the floor is a distraction—it's gone in 10 seconds, and the panic sets in. You need an occupation.
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The Golden Rule: Get a special, high-value toy that your pet only gets when you are leaving. It must be something they go absolutely mad for.
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Make it Last: This is where puzzle toys (like a Kong) or a snuffle mat are worth their weight in gold. Stuff a puzzle toy with xylitol-free peanut butter, some of their breakfast, or some pet-safe pâté, and then freeze it.
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The Routine: As you're walking out the door (boringly!), you hand them their frozen, delicious puzzle.
Their brain will be so focused on the job of "How do I get this amazing food out of this toy?" that it doesn't have time to panic. By the time they're finished 20 or 30 minutes later, that initial, sharp spike of anxiety has passed, and they're far more likely to settle down for a nap.
They will even start to build a positive association: "Oh, she's putting her coat on... that means I get the amazing frozen peanut butter thing! Hooray!"
4. Make Your "Leaving" Cues Meaningless
Our pets are brilliant little detectives. They know the sequence. They learn that the jangle of keys, plus the coat, plus the handbag, means "I am about to be alone." Their anxiety can start building long before you've even touched the front door.
Your new mission is to make those cues utterly meaningless.
This is a desensitisation exercise you can do while you're at home, just watching the telly.
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Pick up your keys. Rattle them. Then put them down and sit back on the sofa.
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Get up, put your work coat on. Walk to the kitchen and make a cuppa. Then take your coat off.
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Pick up your laptop bag. Walk to the front door. Touch the handle. Then turn around, put the bag down, and go back to what you were doing.
Repeat these "false alarms" over and over. The goal is for your dog to eventually see you pick up your keys and just sigh and stay curled up in their cosy den, because nine times out of ten, it means absolutely nothing.
5. Remember, It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint
This is the "hard work" part, and it requires patience. You cannot go from being home 24/7 to being gone for an eight-hour workday. That's like throwing a non-swimmer in the deep end and hoping for the best.
You have to build their confidence gradually. This means starting with absurdly small increments.
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Step 1: Get them settled with their puzzle toy. Walk out the front door. Lock it. Wait 30 seconds. Come back in (boringly!).
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Step 2: The next day, do the same, but wait for one minute.
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Step 3: A few days later, try five minutes. Pop to the end of the road and back.
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Step 4: Slowly, slowly, build up the time. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. An hour.
This is a frustrating, slow process, especially when you have a work schedule. You may need to lean on doggy daycare, a trusted dog walker, or a friend for a while. But this slow, steady build-up is what proves to your pet, in a way they can understand, that no matter what, you always come back.
Be Kind to Yourself (and Them)
This is a journey. And honestly, it's a really hard one.
There will be days when you get a win—you'll check the camera and see them fast asleep in their calming bed, and you'll want to cry with relief. And there will be days when you come home to a shredded cushion or a note from the neighbours, and you'll feel like a total failure.
You are not a failure. You are a loving pet parent navigating a really difficult situation. Your pet is not a "bad dog" or a "naughty cat." They are a wonderful, loving animal who is having a very hard time.
Be patient. Be consistent. And above all, be kind to yourself. You’ve got this.
Hearth and Hound